i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
