her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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