We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
