you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
