But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
