when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
