My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
