Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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