Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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