i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
