I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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