I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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