last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
