Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
