I'm so fucking centered right now
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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