As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize