she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
