Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
