____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
