I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think people are normalizing furries
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
