I didn't shave. On purpose
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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