So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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