At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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