I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
