I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Found the puke drawer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
