Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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