One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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