You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He? As in you personified your dick?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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