Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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