So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
