I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
