it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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