I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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