Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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