i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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