I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how can u be prego again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
