I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
