actually, I'm a sock model
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
