What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
