I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
