he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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