Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
