dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
