I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
