Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
