I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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