he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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