It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
