I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
