I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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