6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
