the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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