I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
