If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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