we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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