You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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