Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize