I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
