Why are handjobs necessary in class?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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