It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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