At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
