I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
