if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
