So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize