mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
