i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize