how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
