Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
