last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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