; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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