If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want her autograph on my taint
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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