You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
