The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
