She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is Oprah even human
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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