My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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