dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
