Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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