Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
