I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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