apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
