i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
