so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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