you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
