You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize