How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
