I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
