He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
