I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
