Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Alive.
So much puke
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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