so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
