if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
