Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
