ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
