just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
