i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm experimenting with sincerity
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
