I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
