i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
