Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
