My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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