So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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